For the people at home, and the crew
After a rough shift.
They walked in the door different. Maybe quiet, maybe short with you, maybe fine on the surface and not fine at all. This is one page on what helps, what doesn't, and when to call someone. Print it. Put it on the fridge. Send it to the group chat.
Clinician review: in progressFirst, the one thing
You don't have to fix it.
The call already happened. You can't make it un-happen, and they know that. What you can do is be the one safe place that doesn't need anything from them tonight. That is not nothing. For a lot of responders it's the whole thing.
Say this.
I'm glad you're home.
Then stop talking.You don't have to tell me about it. I'm here if you want to.
What do you need tonight? Food, quiet, a walk, nothing?
It makes sense you're wrecked. That was a lot.
I'm not going anywhere.
- Nothing at all. Sit in the same room. Put a plate down. Let the TV be on.
- The next day:
How'd you sleep?
andIs today any better?
Short, and keep asking.
Skip this.
What happened?
as the first thing. If they want to tell you, they will.At least…
anything. At least nobody died. At least it wasn't a kid. It doesn't help.You chose this job.
Even if they said it first.You're fine, you've seen worse.
Maybe. That isn't the point.- Taking the quiet personally. It's not about you. It's about the call.
- Big plans, big conversations, big decisions tonight. Tomorrow is fine.
- Pretending you didn't notice. You did. They know you did.
The next few days
What's normal, and what isn't.
Normal for a while
- Bad sleep, vivid dreams, waking up early.
- Replaying the call. Going quiet mid-conversation.
- Short fuse over small things.
- Not wanting to talk about it, then suddenly wanting to.
- Being extra careful with the kids, or extra distant.
Most of this eases within a couple of weeks. Keep checking in, keep the routine, keep them moving: a walk counts.
Worth a call
- It isn't easing after two or three weeks, or it's getting worse.
- Drinking more, or drinking to sleep.
- Pulling away from everyone and everything they usually like.
- Saying they're a burden, that everyone would be better off, that they don't see the point.
- Giving things away, saying goodbyes that feel like goodbyes.
If you see the last two, ask directly: Are you thinking about killing yourself?
Asking does not plant the idea. Then stay with them and call 988 together, or Safe Call Now at 206-459-3020, staffed by first responders.
For the crew
Partners check on partners.
"Hey. Yesterday was a bad one. How are you actually doing? No wrong answer."
If they say "fine""Cool. I'll ask again Thursday." And then ask again Thursday.
The strongest person on the shift is the one nobody checks on. Check on that one. More of this in the Department Toolkit.
A licensed clinician is reviewing this card before it's printed for a department. If you're a clinician who works with first responders and want to help, leave your name.
youraxxmatters.org/rough-shift · Your Axx Matters · You are more than the job.